Boeing SR-69
01/27/2025

| All right, folks! We have a lot of time to burn today so I'll make this short, operation tomato sauce has succeeded. The Skunk is castrated, and the project is ours.

& What do you mean castrated? I thought we were just pretending to be different companies, and I still have my balls.

| Well yes, but now we get credit during the holiday party with Congress, and there's a pinata.

& Can I hit it with my balls?

| No.

& ...

| Anyways back to the spec, we've made the executive decision to add bypass to the ramjet.

^ You mean like having a larger opening around the spike?

| No, I mean like having a separate opening around the opening that is around the spike.

^ So like an aerodynamic enhancement.

| If by aerodynamic you mean sustainability, then yes.

^ It's a fucking ramjet.

| Congress wants it green, it's 2025.

^ We're going at Mach 3 and we don't have a turbine. It's not going to do anything except add more drag, which is antithetical to its reason for existing.

| Try explaining that to an 85-year-old career politician. Also, due to the drag, we will no longer be going Mach 3.

^ Case and point. And it's been what, like 60 years since the last time we built one of these? They barely had computers back then and you're telling me that this is the best we can do?

| Of course not. It's just the best we let ourselves do.

^ Okay fine, but if there was ever a time for something to NOT be sustainable, it would be this. We're only slated to build ten and realistically we'll only hit like three or four before congress decides to pull our funding and throw it at the space gun.

| Not before we get our pinata they won't, our lobbyists will make sure of that. We bought them their sombreros and baseball bats in advance so they're extra motivated.

^ Isn't that like second-order lobbying?

| Third-order, actually; we paid some Mariners guys to sign the bats.

& So you could say we're jerking the lobby…

|^…

& Because it's the third-order… never mind. Anyways, do you think there will be enough bypass for me to fit my ba-

|^ What the fuck is wrong with you?

& …What? I was gonna say bat. I wanted to get a picture with my bat jammed in the intake because it looks like a-

| Okay so anyways, the extra cowling is gonna set us back about 1750lbs of Titanium per plane.

^ How about financially?

| Don't worry, Nancy's got us covered. However, we will need to counteract the weight imbalance with custom software.

^ Why not just redesign the airframe?

| Because we're already over budget.

& And that's after outsourcing!

^ Wait, you're telling me that we're outsourcing this shit?!? To who?!?

| China and India mostly, why?

^ Because the whole point of this thing is to fly it over them without them knowing!

& Is the concept of a Pinata lost on you?

| Come on, we did something similar back in the sixties, remember?

^ Why would I remember? I was like ten.

& Didn't stop me!

^ Okay, but this is safety critical software.

| Also wouldn't be the first time.

^ And how did last time go?

| Skill issue on behalf of the pilots.

^ You conveniently forgot to mention to them that the software even existed.

| Don't worry, this time it'll be even more seamless. Our test pilots will have no idea…

^ We're literally adding a barrier between them and the control surfaces without even telling them?

| Control surfaces? Of course not! Everything is thrust vectored.

^ Why are we doing this. We're literally going so fast and high that there's absolutely no use-case for thrust vectoring.

| Not anymore, remember?

^ Why the hell did anybody in congress ever think this was a good idea?

| Because they like throwing money at things that sound cool, and you can't get much cooler than ‘thrust vectored'.

& I can think of something that sounds cooler…

|^ All I could ever wish for in this life is to go the entirety of it without ever finding out what goes on inside your head.

&…

^ Well what does the FAA think about all this?

| Oh, they don't know, it's top-secret.

^ But some random-ass contractor in China does?

& Well what's he gonna do? Talk about it in Chinese? Who the hell speaks Chinese?!?

|^…

| Look, that Pinata isn't gonna split itself

& That's where I come in!

| And we really wanna get our bonus this year

& Candy bonus! Woohooooo!!!!!

| So it's really important we beat our competitors

& FAMILY FEUD!!!!!!

| So…

& !!!

| We should probably settle on a name…

& Oh! I have one! How about Big Black P-

^ NO!

& I was gonna say Plane.

^ Why don't we just keep “Son of Bl-“

& You can't say that!

^ What? Why?

| Some quant firm in China just figured out a way to convert Thrush to Mandarin. Apparently it's super offensive to use that term.

& See! That's why our secret is safe! Every time they mention the project they have to use a slur!

| And we can't say 'Son' either, because that's sexist.

^ But it's customary to give individual aircraft female names, so shouldn't it cancel out?

| No. Singular and plural nameage vectors are orthogonal. We need to find a zero vector?

^ Okay, what about Descendant, Progeny?

| Too Causalist

& Best Friend?

^| You don't know what that is.

^ Oh, I know. How about Associate Entity?

| Perfect! But I think we should still finish uphold the naming convention.

^ What naming convention?

| Well, the last one ended with a B so this one should too.

^ That's not a convention, that's just a forceful abstinence from creativity.

& What's the difference?

^ Fair point.

| Okay, how about this: We each say the name and finish with our own word. Sound reasonable?

& Yep!

^ Sounds fair

| Okay…

|^ Associate…

|^ Entity…

|^ Of…

&& BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!