The wheels on the (sustainably horse-drawn) G-Wagon keep on turning in rural Pennsylvania, but the rotational motions have not gone unnoticed. In the far east, Hock Tan, CEO of Broadcomm and VMware eskimo brother to Patrick Gelsinger, has just deployed a revolutionary new approach to corporate raiding. The approach promises to remove the bureaucratic overhead that is so common with traditional acquisitions in a way that is both categorically swift and disruptively sustainable. What's more, in doing so, it seeks to directly address the growing issue of Chinese semiconductor market dominance. That's right folks, Hock is back with the wok, and by wok we mean the Mongol Horde. We now sit down with The Tan Man and listen to him tell it like it is.

Interviewer (his name is Kyson if you're wondering): “So Hock, tell us a bit about the driving philosophy behind this new acquisition strategy.”

Hock: “Me think why paper, why talk. Why talk when Hock, talk to the rock. Save time on talk, more time to Hock. Also save trees, very important.”

Interviewer: “This sounds very comprehensive, what made you decide to choose the re-unification of the Mongol horde as the vehicle for this endeavour?”

Hock: *Scowl intensifies* “Why not? Horde conquer fast. Horde conquer smart. No time to waste on talk, saved time go back to Hock.”

Re-unification of the Mongol Horde is no easy feat. The tribes are nomadic in nature, separated by large distances, and often speak entirely different languages. As such, achieving a feat like this has necessitated a remarkable new branding strategy.

“One-thousand testicle bull bring all tribes together!”, Hock declares proudly. “Each tribe one testicle, very weak. But when tribes together, one-thousand testicle bull, very strong!” The innovative new logo, which was originally a five-hundred-fifty testicle bull belonging to a conqu- I mean integrated organization, and intended to represent market virility, has now been adapted to better suit the needs of the empire. Unified under the banner of the well-endowed bovine, it appears the horde, now referring to itself as MongolSemi Incorporated, has already made its first disruptive acquisition.

“Tensor Unified Architecture unifies tensors”, Hock exclaims with profundity. So far, it's been unclear as to what this 'Tensor Unified Architecture' really is, why it is revolutionary, or even what it's use-case is. According to Hock, this is all part of the plan. “Why think about technology when I can conquer. Rather cut R&D budget and let conquered tribe think about product instead,” scoffs Hock confidently. However, lucky for us, we were able to get our hands on some of the blueprints (it's hard to be wary of IP theft when you're normally the one doing the stealing) and the architecture may legitimately pillage your village. Here's everything you need to know about Hock's TUA:

1. HordeNet interconnect fabric: The primary component of the TUA paradigm is its HordeNet interconnect fabric. This fabric allows for adaptive integration of third-party IP directly into the overarching TUA protocol. Through this, users can reap the benefits of proprietary hardware as needed under one unifying top-level integration network. This allows radical hardware customizability and greatly accelerated development times. The adaptive network also allows for greater levels of overall hardware utilization during compute-intensive tasks as the noticeably higher degree of locality achieved effectively compensates for the small amount of communication overhead added.

2. Yurt Caches: The HordeNet fabric also includes a network of cooperative caches that are adaptively configured by the fabric's hardware itself during runtime. These caches help alleviate the overall memory access latency of commonly retrieved data throughout the system both through further improved locality as well as by preventing the occurrence of hardware-level race conditions.

3. Recurve Compute Unit (RCU): The top-level interface of the TUA is the Recurve Compute Unit or RCU. The RCU contains and operates on protocol information that requires top-level arbitration. It also has functionality to perform many of these operations directly in memory, dramatically reducing what could otherwise be a significant source of latency in the system.

While cutting the R&D budget seems antithetical to developing such a ground-breaking new architecture, Hock begs to differ. “This way, only strong survive” Hock remarks, with a slight air of necessary forlornness.

And it seems like locality-driven efficiency is the name of the game on the HR side too! As it turns out, the family unit structure of the prototypical nomadic Mongol tribe means that new hires can now be trained from infancy on how to carry out their workplace duties, shortening the on-boarding process by up to 15%!

And if that wasn't enough, it seems like The Tan Man is throwing down the proverbial (and given the context, possibly literal) gauntlet at feet of his rival, Father Patrick, when it comes to the sustainability arms race. “Amish merely adopted sustainability” Hock says in a low, serious tone, “Mongols born in it”. And he may have a point. While the Amish have boasted an impressively carbon-neutral footprint (the carbon extraction from their farms appears to negate the flatulence of their cattle), they have yet to recreate the Mongols' impressive 13th century reforestation streak that singlehanded removed an estimated 2.5 billion tons of CO2 from the Earth's atmosphere. This is a legacy that Hock intends to carry on with pride. Going forward, all new iterations of the MongolSemi logo will include a sustainably sourced stick, strategically positioned to block the anus of the ubiquitous bovine, symbolizing the organization's forward-looking commitment towards environmental stewardship. What's more, unlike Genesis Semiconductor, MongolSemi will not be extracting any materials from the Earth in order to manufacture its new chip lineup, instead opting to obtain the resources necessary through the practice of sustainable pillaging.

So far, it's clear that MongolSemi is on a path to make waves in the industry. And this trajectory, much like the metaphorical rotational motions pertaining to the G-Wagon's metaphorical rotational wheels, hasn't gone unnoticed. When we reached out to SMCI CEO Charles Liang for his thoughts on the issue, we received the following response: 我的冰淇淋呢, 婊子? 你们这些混蛋告诉我, 如果我同意接受这个糟糕的采访, 我就会得到冰淇淋。你知道吗, 我已经完成了。反正没人会读你的狗屎。It's evident that SMCI sees MongolSemi as a very real threat indeed, and the likelihood is high that they are preparing to soon take disruptively sustainable action of their own in order to counter it. As of recent, reports have surfaced that the great wall of China has been retrofitted to display banners of original work in order to instill fear in the approaching horde. However, the mounting procedure has proven to be quite precarious, as it appears that the banners have had the same effect on the SMCI workers mounting them. When asked about this mounting opposition from his frenemies to the south, Hock responded with the following comment: “Better walk the walk before they Hock the Hock”. It was said with a statistically significant amount of irreverence.

This is shaping up to be a very exciting time in the industry indeed! Join us next time, when we interview Jerry Sanders the Third and ask him what it means to be a real man.